The other day I saw
this post on Cup of Jo and was super delighted
because I've been mentally preparing a post on the same topic
for weeks and was excited to hear her opinion.
Paul and I got married in April after over seven years together, so the topic
of marriage and how we would handle the last names had been discussed many a time.
I had always intended to keep my name, but when Paul and I talked about future us, it was clear we would
hyphenate any kids' names. This made sense to both of us, so one day Paul proposed the possibility of hyphenating our last names. Both of them.
I had considered the option of hyphenating mine before, but it just didn't seem worthwhile. We would still have had different names. But if we both hyphenated we would have the same name, as well as being able to
keep our own. I was in and when we got married we both changed our last names to
J(my last name)-M(his last name.)
Since this change of name I've become very opinionated about hyphenated names. Here are some of my thoughts.
Pros:
1. They're kind of awesome. They allow you and your partner to share a last name (fabulous both symbolically and practically- we never have to wonder whose name a reservation
is under and we can check in together when we fly) and you completely avoid any
anti-feminist feelings that can come with taking your husband's name
because of the history of this tradition.
2. They really feel like you've created a new family unit. Our last name isn't 100% connected to either of our families, but we can still pass on a piece of our family history through our
hyphenated name to our future kids.
3. Unlike keeping my last name (which was my initial plan) I still got that sense of change that I wanted to feel when I got married. Paul and I had already lived together for three years
when we got married, so besides for our new hyphenated names, there weren't
any big differences in our relationship that came along with tying the knot.
4. All of a sudden two perfectly common last names become new and original. Paul pointed out the brilliance of this in the future for when we're naming kids: basically zero chance of us naming our kid
something normal like Tom and ten years down the road having our little Tom Riddle
getting made fun of on the playground for sharing a name with the "dark lord." Paul's
name has also become way more recognizable in his profession. If you google
Paul J-M he's about it.
Cons:
1. Unfortunately, it's still not a very common practice and it confuses the heck out of people. The first time I used my new last name was when I changed my credit card. I was called Mrs. M. Later that
week someone called Paul Mr. J. My favorite moment of confusion was when I told a woman
at the doctor's office that there was a hyphen between the last names.
I then saw her write down an apostrophe.
2. My name is long. Since I have two middle names and now a hyphenated last name, it's super long. As the woman at the social security office said, "...oh boy..."
3. I had to make four trips to the social security office before I got a card with all my names including the hyphen and sans typos. (This is probably not normal.)
4. J-M doesn't flow. It's a risk you take when hyphenate. Sometimes it sounds meant to be, other times it's something you have to get used to.
That's about it. It's not for everyone, but I'm a fan of the double spousal hyphenation!
(In unrelated news, Gus is home from his surgery and recovering well! The nurse said he threw a syringe across the room with his teeth when she tried to feed him with it. That fact made me a little proud.)
Mia J-M
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